new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
