she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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