dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
