so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
