is your mom at the bar?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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