I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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