youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
