We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
