youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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