you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
