drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
