I wish my penis had an off switch
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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