when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
