my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
