it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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