I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
