I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
