Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
