Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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