I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
