just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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