ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
