my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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