This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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