In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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