i just had sex bonerless
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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