i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
