god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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