Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
