I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
