Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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