last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
