I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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