the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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