i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
