the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
