I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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