Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
