now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need a beard to bite.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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