yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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