Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
