6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
