She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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