Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
