i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
