I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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