my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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