Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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