Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
