If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
