is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
