we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
