hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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