And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The air was thick with penises
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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