Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
