I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
