I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
